Start up post

Well, here goes my best effort to give you a sense of what this journey is like. Most of you are in recovery with me and the rest are family and others who know me and whom I trust.

I have cancer. For sure I have CLL or chronic lymphocytic leukemia. Here's a web site if you want to know more:
http://www.leukemia-lymphoma.org/all_page.adp?item_id=7059

The big questions as of today are what are the nodules in my lungs, are they caused by the CLL, and is the baseball sized tumor on my kidney also caused by the CLL?

If it is all rooted with CLL, that is really good news. My CLL is early stage and is readily treated with very high success rate. If it is CLL and kidney cancer, that would mean treat the CLL and cut out the kidney we only need one).

If it is CLL plus kidney cancer that has moved into my lungs well, that's not good news.

Tomorrow morning I have an invasive biopsy - cut two one inch wedges out of my lung to get 3 nodules from each wedge to test and find out WTF this is. I have been in limbo, not knowing since January 3rd. This biopsy and "what if" is heavy on my mind today - my eyes tear up now just writing that down.

The month long journey so far has included an endless shuffle of emotions: scared, sad, angry, denial, acceptance, and occasionally a profound sense of gratitude. Gratitude? Yup! If life was fair then I would have died before 15 years ago when I got clean. Recovery and all of you have given me an awesome life; better today than ever before. More tears, that's all for now.
Bill