I ain't no sage. Whatever I have written, at least the good stuff, I learned in the 12 step program that I have lived since Jan 7, 1994. With my sponsor (guy with more experience than me) I work the steps and they have changed me from the inside out. This path is a spiritual path leading to an integrated relationship with my God and solid connections with my fellow human beings. This program has turned me from near completely self centered (thinking about me) to more selfless (thinking of others). Much of the stuff I have written on this blog is ideas and thoughts and principles I have learned in recovery and practiced in my relationships with wife, daughter, friends, colleagues and my family. After 15 years, some of it is internalized enough to be my primary way of thinking, acting and measuring my own growth. Too often I still try to use it to measure your growth and that does not work so well.
My daughter Kate wrote a comment this morning that deeply touched me, made me cry and made me proud for her. She is a young woman I admire. And she is the one who accused me of being sage like (thanks Kate, I love you too).
It seems the past 3 or 4 days have been calm, maybe before the storm of Chemo or maybe calm before a smaller change. A fellow cancer patient encourages me to call chemo my friend. It is on my side and will try so very hard to help. I have the weekend and Monday and whatever days before chemo starts to enjoy feeling quite well. A few tasks such as official paperwork that is responsible to get done. My friend Caroline has urged me to get that completed - TYVM!
The chemo I feel some trepidation about, because it's effects on me and on cancer are short of being predictable. Because the doc closer to home who will administer the chemo must review my files and radiology film, the start of chemo might be delayed a little bit, but he said probably on Tuesday.
Thank you so much for standing by me, encouraging me, bringing me home made tomato basil soup, brownies, and pulling weeds from amongst my flowers. Mostly thank you for your prayers and your love!
Bill
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Dear Bill
ReplyDeleteI feel compelled to offer you feedback regarding "sage or wise"..or whatever other word to describe your evolution as a man into a fully loving human individual. As another recovering person, I know the struggle to turn down the volume of self absorption and listen more with "Other Focus".
I know the struggle of dealing with the paradoxes of this program and the gradual metamorphesis from ego driven madness to peace and serenity.
What I think of you is none of your business!! Your kindness, acceptance of all our human frailties plus your willingness to help them find recovery and serenity (as well as your love of growing beautiful flowers), makes me esteem your presence in my life. I believe you are one of those folks who teaches me about the positive principles of recovery.
You know for some time I have been aware that any memory of me on this earth will be conveyed by what others share about me when I am no longer on this earth. I only hope I leave my community as well cared for as you care for yours on a daily basis.
Lastly, I choose to love you without reservation knowing how sweet your welcoming smile is and the warmth of your hugs when we greet each other. So from all the way across the USA, I send you hugs and kisses.
Leslie