Okay, here's how it stands as of today. From accumulation of testing including the biopsy the docs believe I have the CLL (chronic lymphocystic leukemia) and bladder cancer which has spread into my kydney (the baseball sized tumor) and into my lungs. They tell me that the CLL and this form of cancer are both readily treatable and respond well to chemo.
Yesterday I was at Mayo for brain MRI (with & without contrast) and a bone scan that required rarioactive injection and 2 1/2 hour wait to fully spread enough to light up all my bones. Next week , 17th and 18th I meet with more specialists including 2 or 3 oncologists. I believe they will integrate results of yesterdays brain and bone scans into previous picture and develop a specific plan of attack. Hopefully I will finally know just exactly what maladies have invaded my body.
My overal attitude is one of hope and certainty that a power greater than my and greater than cancer is walking me through. However because I am human, my emotions range from that hope and acceptance to outright despair. Full of fear and doubt to grateful for the life I have and get to continue for years to come. From optimism to fear of the unknown process. I cry multiple times a day, from sniffles to snot throwing. And then peace, serenity and faith wash over me as a gift from somewhere within/without me. I know the people closest to me are are being piled on with similar emotional scoops. Please pray for them.
I fully intend to enjoy this weekend to the fullest extent possible sharing time with my friends and loved ones. And then show up for work om Monday for the first time in near 3 weeks. Something is gonna change next week. Turning the whole picture over to the God I seek to understand makes the results none of my business. I just keep getting in the way with projection prediction and worry. Those who came before me have taught me to lean into it and pray harder!
Bill
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It is a little difficult for somebody who has never had cancer to give encouragement to somebody who has had cancer and has faced it head on with the fortitude you obviously have. This fortitude is not man made but God given. You have a gift that most people either never have or never recognize. You are clearly blessed.
ReplyDeleteHowever, what the heck does STFUASBD mean?
I want to know what STFUASBD means also. I know what STFU is but the rest has me in consternation.
ReplyDeleteSTFUASBD? means, "shut the f*** up and sit back down" "and I mean that in a loving way". That is what I can say to the newcomer in my head who already knows everything. He lives in my head, so I must love him, but I do not have to listen to him.
ReplyDeleteBill