Holding pattern . . .

Wow, I read the previous blog and think, "What was I thinking?" it seems pretty jumbled up to me and didn't nail whatever I was feeling at the time. The last few days have seemed like a holding pattern, circling the runway looking for a place to land. My doctor is looking for the chemicals to put in my body with the most likely positive impact on the rogue cells we call cancer.

With help from some of you, I have found and read a few studies and trials of various drugs that may have some impact on my type of cancer. None seem conclusive or very specific about results. I really do get to be a guinea pig. Today I will reach out to my doc to squeak the wheel gently and remind him I am here awaiting his perusal of his network's replies to his query about what new drugs are working best.

Too many "what ifs" are running around in my head, Reminds me of playing Ms Pacman obsessively like I did in the 80s resulting in carpel tunnel in my right hand. I'm getting carpal brain. Every thought is elusive and I cannot get a grip on any of them. Frustrating, depressing, go ride my bike anyway.

My job ended yesterday. I have not been able to work at all since early January and I cannot focus enough to do it now. For most of over 20 years I have done executive recruiting, headhunting. It requires sticking with specific projects over weeks and months, consistently immersed in specific kinds of positions in specific industry. The economy has not helped, and so many medical appts, "carpal brain" and chemo coming prevent me being able to work. WTF do I do now?
Bill