So very many people have stepped up wanting to be helpful and have given to Jacki, Kate and my family in so many different ways. From pulling weeds and lifting a new 5 gal water bottle onto the dispenser; from brownies to vegetable soup and lasagna. The prayers are helping IGT. You sharing our sad and scared as well as gratitude and joy brings a closeness and connectedness we humans seek all our lives. Thank you - I know together we are "Whuppin' Cancer".
I wrote a month or so in this blog about how most people say "how can I help" with genuine sincerity, but then don't know what to say nor what to do. Joseph, my old friend of 30 yrs(though we never got close again after I got clean) had esophageal cancer a year and a half ago. He died 7 months later. I saw him once and did not know what to say or do. I later called twice, and he did not call back - just the excuse I needed to let myself off the hook. I did not even try again. I understand if you are experiencing similar difficulty, AND I know I still feel remorse that I did not do better.
So, perhaps you and I share a dilemma: you do not know what to do or say, and I have not been able to tell you what would help other than "pray". The God of my attempt to understand wants action and you and I need action. So, here is what I now wish I had done with my friend Joe:
Ask what I can do, but expect no answer. Call but expect no return call. E'mail expecting no reply. If I expect those responses, it is not love but rather barter. Avoid giving advice, but share my own relevant experience or any relevant experience with someone close to me. I had no such experience for Joseph. Maybe most helpful, listen if when he wanted to talk.
I can tell you that you asking, calling, emailing, hugging and listening has helped so very much and made a big difference for me and my loved ones. Even reading and maybe commenting on these blogs has a positive impact. You have often brought me tears of overwhelming gratitude for the love we can muster amongst us.
Love, gratitude, smiles, laughter, joy - all trigger the miraculous human body to manufacture white blood cells. White blood cells are one of the best tools for "Whuppin' Cancer." Thanks for riding with me!
Bill
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Thanks for the sharing things you learned with Joe. This writing to you where others can see seems strange and awkward for me. The goal is to let you know there's another lifting you and your family up in prayers. Thanks too for the 5 things to take part in daily.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your thoughts and insight. I had told you a couple of weeks ago that I KNOW the feeling of people wanting to help and talk, but for some it is hard. People were afraid to mention the word cancer around me, but they knew they wanted to something, anything. Their heart was in the right place. Most of the time it was harder for me to ask for help then it was for others to offer it. We're so very lucky to have these wonderful peole in our lives. Your're doing great. Keep the faith. Love ya
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to let you know that my thoughts and prayers are with you and Jacki. You were with me during a period of very intense and frightening change, but my memory of that time is overwhelmingly positive. Thank you and don't hesitate to let me know if there's anything I can do for you.
ReplyDeleteJustin, please call and leave your number again.
ReplyDeleteBill
Thanks for the advice Bill. So many times I've felt "let off the hook" when really that should have been a call to action. It's so hard to know. Have a great day between the ears! Love, Gina
ReplyDeleteIt appears as if "The Sage" has in fact been loosed.
ReplyDeleteEchoing what Justin said, you have been with me during a period of intense and frightening pain which resulted in our friendship growing stronger.
Thank you. Don't be hesitant to ask me for anything.
Bill, just wanted to let you know that our church family in Baton Rouge is praying for you. Love from Gina's sister-in-law Susan.
ReplyDelete