Ever notice how giving always results in receiving more than was given? I awoke this morning leaning toward a woe is me day. One of my guys came over as scheduled to do step work. For 1 1/2 hours both of us forgot all about cancer. and I was left with that profound gratitude for being alive, living my life instead of dying my life, and still being very useful in God's work selected for me.
What a gift it is experiencing the fact that no matter what I am going through I can still be useful. I am not in charge and my job is to be willing to help another human being. Even at my worst somehow what I am is useful to someone. I can still pick up one starfish at a time and throw it back into the sea. Maybe make a difference by expressing one single act of love.
Right this moment it seems I am moving into a stage of experiencing more acceptance. More of the time since early January I can see a half full glass. Of course I will still go up and down in this process and the accompanying emotions. But still, I know I do not have to do this alone. I could not do it alone, and trying to do so will just make it worse. Trying to do it alone would be insane, and there is an alternative - a solution. And that is including my God, you and the doctors - together we are a power greater than the hell this disease could be. Thank you for being such a big part of that huge power.
Bill
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Bill, your posts here are quite beautiful and deeply appreciated. I never realized I could comment until today. It's nice to be teachable. You are a powerful example of recovery in action and I am most grateful for your friendship.
ReplyDeleteLots of love for you and Jacki and family.
Pete
Bill:
ReplyDeleteYou are healing already with this blog. It is so honest and you are in touch with your feelings. That leads to surrender and acceptance. I'm so happy you are speaking to Dr.'s that have a lot of knowledge on your kind of cancer. You are making GOOD choices.
Love to Jacki and of course you!! Prayers.