Itchy humor

After brushing my teeth this morning I looked up and saw this guy with his left arm up and over to the right side just above the ear. Just like an orangutan, scratching. My arms are long, but it was the dorky look that made me laugh. So maybe next time you see me, just reach up & over and scratch. Give us both a smile.

The stuff on my face is not acne - looked pretty much like it. Now however, my nose is better but it is so tender at my hairline that the slightest bump or even shower spray makes it bleed. Now I'm scabby. Tried wearing a hat to cover it up but that made it worse. A really good friend suggested a paper bag but thought that might buy into my too vain need to look good. Remember, I am getting some needed humility out of all this. Cancer ain't all bad. Okay, that wasn't funny.

My sponsor has me writing an angry letter at cancer - get to call it nasty names and press really hard on the pen. I am f'in mad about having cancer - it really ticks me off! He does not want me to end the letter getting all spiritual, just put the anger on paper. No problema. I can do that, but you readers don't get to see it. Well okay, maybe for a price, money is getting short.

A few months ago, before cancer (henceforth BC) I left work and had an obsessive urge to buy. Anything. Something. I did not do it that time but it was a moment of clarity. I have always fixed on retail solutions to how I feel. Looking for something external to change how I feel is so easy to do but too often has consequences I don't want. I have not had a cigarette since March 3, 2006 at 5pm. But recently I have had stronger urges to smoke than any other time since. I don't even bother to ask "Why?" And I do not believe when someone else claims to not know why they do such things. Self sabotage. Sometimes I am not my friend.

That's part of why I write this stuff; writing can help get the sabotage out of my not quite subconscious. Thanks for reading and praying and laughing with me.
Bill