Funky stretch

I don't know how to express what is going on since I started taking "my friend" the chemo pill. There are a few fairly minor side effects, fatigue, more difficulty sleeping, itching and twitchy. The acne like skin stuff on my face and scalp is driving me nuts (short drive). I have a new empathy for teenagers who have bad acne, and I am very self conscious of what others think is wrong.

Yesterday and this morning my vision is a little blurred - feels like when I put gel type eye drops in for my occasional dry eye. Maybe worst is a mental cloud, fuzzy thinking, emotional numbness and feeling disconnected. I am in a funk, probably depression exasperated by the little white pill. I pray & meditate as best I can, ride my bike call people fairly well, take my depression med. All of which have worked so well prior to this chemo.

The funk will pass if I keep doing what has always worked. Lean into it. People ask how I am doing - remember, some really don't want to listen to my real answer, and sometimes I just don't want to tell. The few times I have tried to talk and put it into words, I come up short. Some of it is feeling like I am complain too much and focus too much on the symptoms which near consume my awareness like a toothache. I try to stay away from crying tho' as I write I am dripping I just don;t like going through this and I so miss how my life was before cancer.

I can't work. Too scattered thinking, sporadic and unpredictable fatigue. And I have no answer for "What do you do all day?" I am hitting 4ish meetings a week, doing some step work with sponsees, search for and download music that I may like, take a nap for fatigue, and obsess on the acne like stuff. Wash and lotion, wash and lotion.

All the while trying to keep my attitude up and positive, hopeful, trusting God and just moving one foot after another. I am hanging in and I need your help - I am not doing very well at reaching out right now.
Bill