I do not want to do it. I don't feel like it. I'm too busy. I can miss one. Too much to do.
That's how I feel frequently about many things that are probably good for me. This morning I felt tired, sick and wobbly. I called my sponsor's number and left a message. Called three other guys. No answer. Jacki was not home. Had the thought it would be a good time to go to a meeting. That's what recovery tells me, call and go to a meeting. Not just when I want to, but also when I don't want to. Instead I started arguing with myself - "I do not want to do it. I don't feel like it. I'm too busy. I can miss one."
Did not want to go to that meeting because it lasts too long. Not the other meeting because I don't like how they run their meeting. Maybe I could drive 20 miles to the other noon meeting - no, too far. Problem is, I am out of excuses to not do what has saved my life for so many years.
In recovery, especially when we are new, but often useful when we are longtimers, we are told to "do what we don't want to do and don't do what we want to do. So I went to the meeting anyway. Nooner closest to home. Gave/got a few hugs. Came home feeling a little better.
And then, even though it made me itchy, queasy and shaky last night, drowsy and then too squirmy to sleep, I took the little white pill. Even though, "I do not want to do it. I don't feel like it. I'm too busy. I can miss one. Too much to do." I did it anyway. Recovery. Healing.
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Missed you last night...
ReplyDeleteThank God for the newcomers homegroup members...who ran and helped setup/teardown. I guess because we all thought we have to have the meeting outside (the wedding ended @ 7:30 so we had the hall, yeah!) the only homegroup members there were Mike, me and all the great newbees.
Ah well, as they say, the song played on...
I love you and would be happy to cruise by and take ya to a meeting...
huge hug
Bill, the alternative of not taking a dump when you need to is, I suspect, quite similar to the alternative of not going to a meeting when you need to. So if you choose to not go to a much needed meeting, please at least have a roll of tp handy. Whoever comes along to help you out will need it. In other words, just go to the %^&* meeting... every day... every time... no exceptions... none. Brother Geee.
ReplyDeleteYeah what... whomever anonymous is... said!
ReplyDeleteHi Bill- I want you to know that I have been following your very personal story with love and awe. I hope I can post this today so you know how much healing and love is being sent to you from Washington.
ReplyDeleteThank you for being so open.
Love Kathryn
I lov U Bill - michael t
ReplyDelete