Mystic misty clouds of Master shroud lift to reveal . . . is it Ranier or jagged Superstition? Either way or another, it's a peak of spiritual experience driving through the desert up the hill to touch another human life. It's only a horse that died but the feeling is of people, loved ones come and gone, and we flounder trying to mimic how John Wayne would deal with this. We forget that it took a little girl to help John through to his True Grit. Wow! Wake up! None of us has to go through this alone.
I am now on the second cycle of me being the first man in a "first in man" trial. It's great, no make that AWESOME that my scans showed no measureable growth since before cycle one. The trial drug may well be working. The side effects are still minor compared to how I felt last year at this time. I was soooo tired almost all the time, but now I just need to take it easy and rest 2 or 3 hours each day, and I can do that most any 2 - 3 hour time slot. Last year I was just plain wiped out every afternoon.
I have another infusion tomorrow. On this trial that means 1 1/2 hrs of exam, urine and blood tests. then another hour wait for results and if indicators from those tests are okay, then a half hour of mixing the drug. I have this mental image of Betty Crocker standing in her kitchen throwing drugs into her mixing bowl. Once mixed, then it takes an hour to drain it into my arm, followed by 2 hours of taking vitals every half hour. So I am there for about 5 1/2 hours. Whew! The veins in my right arm are getting hard to hit so my left gets the workout. The infusion is always followed by a sticking a different spot for a blood draw from a fresh hole.
The dog. His name is Tanner, a two year old Boxer. We took him in "temporarily" 4 months ago. Now, telling the truth, it would really hurt to give him back - thinking of it waters my eyes. Those tears led me to the attempt at poetic profundity in the first paragraph of this blog. Thoughts of dog loss and Ham's horse loss, bring human loss closer to home. It brings the scars and stars of memories to the surface for me to feel or conceal, reveal or try to mimic John Wayne. I need not, cannot and wish not to do any of this alone. Thanks for helping me receive from you - it's always been so much easier for me to give.
Bill
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Thank you so much for your presence in my life.
ReplyDeleteIt's hard to let go of those we love - a dog, a horse, a friend. We love them while we have them and remember then when they are gone. We are never alone if we have ever had one that loved us.
Hey, you're back. Thanks for letting the words flow. SLY, Gina
ReplyDeleteThanks for posting, Bill. I agree and can attest to the fact that we do not have to go through anything alone. Thank God for the fellowship. I've been checking almost daily for new posts. I'm glad to here the new "cocktail" is working well for you. Please keep us in the loop with posts.
ReplyDeleteBill and Jacki, your ability to deal with this on an intellectual and emotional level and share your thoughts with all of us, is a gift to all of us that we value so much. Keep writing Bill, unfiltered thoughts, you are a genius in so many ways and we all love you so much.
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