Recently I have done a guided imagery meditation that I learned 35 yrs ago. It always led me to lying on a small sand bar between 2 boulders and more high boulders across the stream. I was sheltered, safe and lying in the sun. The stream carried me to that place, just as in the hundreds of times over the years of doing that same meditation. Using my God given built in meditation tools, breathing and imagination, I have reached that peaceful and safe place many times. Less frequently the past few years, caught up in life on life's terms. Distractions away from the gift and practice of something so good and replenishing - I had forgotten.
Recently though, almost by accident, I slipped into the little boat and rode the stream that has always taken me to the sand bar. This time, lying basking in the sun, I had the thought of getting back in the boat to see where the stream goes. Around the bend a beautiful garden-like vista of green and light and gently flowing water leading to what appears to be a small pond but impassable due to a damn of sticks and branches, logs and brush. In that moment I just plain knew that dam is my cancer. It has been a beautiful ride, but no way past this damn dam.
And then, I see this is a beaver dam with busy little beavers slapping the water with their tails and fortifying the damn. In despair a deep moaning howl escapes my throat, attracting the attention of the much larger and wiser old Mother beaver. She takes my hand and pulls me under, guiding me under water to the beavers den - a small dome-like shelter still under the dam but with space to breath and rest above the water. She showed me that I could just ride the boat to this point only to sit dammed in by my cancer. A beautiful journey ending here. I can relive the journey over and over, but still end up here. I can be grateful for the boat and the stream, the sun and the sand bar, the cavern with the floor of river rock crunching as I walk to the stream and find the boat. I can enjoy the mystery of the entrance from the back of my closet to the winding stone stairwell leading to the cavern of many colors.
Indeed I can feel gratitude for every single heartbeat of living that eventually has led me to the sandbar and now to the beaver dam. I can stop here and maybe help move some twigs and branches, even logs. Maybe the dam can be broken. But then the Mother beaver takes my hand again, pulling my from the den, under water and up to the surface where the water flows, as with all dams, over the lip of the damn dam. I can catch glimpses of what lies downstream but I cannot flow nor climb over this obstruction. The wise old Mother beaver tells me there is no way around but through. What?
This still, after several more imagery journeys, leaves me perplexed. "What the heck is she talking about." I do know the glimpses are hope and with that hope I can still find enough faith to keep paddling, swimming, hold my breath and trusting wise old beavers and doctors and above all else, trust the God of my own understanding. I have been helped along this far and I'll not be dropped now.
Jacki and I leave in the morning for Bethesda and another round of poke, prod and probe, scanning for changes in my tumors. Last time there was a tiny bit of shrinkage. Thank you for your prayers.
Bill
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Thank you for sharing that... I ponder on your meditation.
ReplyDeleteI send you love and light and hugs all day long. I am so grateful to have you as part of my life.
I'm going to talk with this mother beaver.
I love you
Beaver is the "doer" in the animal kingdom. Beaver medicine is akin to water and earth energy, and incorporates a strong sense of family and home.
ReplyDeleteIf you were to look at the dams that block woodland streams, you would find several entrances and exits. In building its home, Beaver ALWAYS leaves itself many alternative escape routes.
This practice is a lesson to all of us not to paint ourselves into corners. If we eliminate our alternatives, we dam the flow of experience in our lives.
A "doer" is characterized by industriousness, and Beaver know that limitation cancels productivity.
Beaver tells you to look for alternative solutions to life's challenges and to protect the creations which you put your love and energy into.
If Beaver had dunked its head under water and is contrary, you are being asked to open new doors to opportunity and to stay aware.
This could also usher in a time of laziness or apathy. Find what is damming the flow, and remove the impasse.