Results?

From in the air somewhere over probably Colorado. I had the Avastin infusion yesterday, and turkey dinner today at Jacki’s sponsee sister’s home.thefirst was (and remains a bear) and the 2nd was a delight. My appetite is less these days. I have lost 16 pounds sonce 4/09, mostly muscle mass. I wear suspenders now because cinching my belt was no longer enough to hold up my pants – the no-belt prison look with my back pockets at my knees.

I had plans last night to do a meeting and a recovery Thanksgiving pot-luck. After the seeming ordeal yesterday,I was way too sapped of energy to go anywhere nor do anything. Pretty much zoned mindlessly watching TV. Jacki says I am depressed for a few days after each bi-weekly infusion. For sure this time she is right. I feel so down. Part of it is worn out, part is the drug(s). I am sure in a couple days I will feel better.

Meanwhile, feeling this way is just part of the journey. Some days it just gets to me more than others. This trip is one of the now bi-monthly trips I make for restaging visits. Restagiing means tests and samples and scans, CTs, MRIs and PET. The PET is rough because I must not eat nor drink anything for 6 hours before. The Pet this time was scheduled for Tuesday so I ate naught prior to noon. And then 1pm. And then 2pm when they decided the machine was disabled until tomorrow. So on Wed I got to eat nothing again until about 4.

Now it is Saturday, 3 days after the infusion. Feel better except I have a cold. Nose running faster than I can keep up. Drip.

In my head it is busy with what ifs. The results of the scans were, "No change, no growth, no shrinkage." "However, we do see a small spot on your hip of something with activity going on around it. Probably is nothing, but it may be a good idea to start an additional medication just in case." "Probably is nothing". You can guess where my head went, and the thought of yet another medication dripped into my arm for an hour once a week - well let's just say fear, anger and resentment poured into my thinking. Let's just wait 'til the next restaging in January and see what those scans and tests say.

It is still Saturday and I am in the grip of infusion effects, fear of the spot, fatigue from the whole process - I am tired of this! And in the grip of my first cold in a couple years. This to shall pass?
Bill