In my face

It has been a month or more since last I wrote. That one was right after seeing the doctor after my last CTscan. I think I titled that blog something inoccous like "It's okay". I was lying. The radiology report said 1 (one) centimeter growth in the kidney tumor and similar growth in the largest lung nodules. One centimeter equals .4 inch. The kidney tumor was 9.7 cm a year ago, and now is 10.6ish.

Once again, the Doc was happy with the rate of growth. It appears the little white pill is working - slow growth. Then Jacki went to work and I went home. And hunkered down for two days. Looking back, I did not feel "good" like the Doc said, rather I felt somber. I really do have cancer and it is slowly growing.

Our Holidays were wonderful. First to Missouri to say a few days with Sharon and HF. So it was Jacki's sister and her husband, their grown daughter ( Jacki's niece) and her year old son (Jacki's grand nephew). As family we played games, talked, laughed and of course the babe was at center stage. Joy, peace and love was abundant.

Their home is a mile or so outside Jacki's small hometown, on a beautiful spot wth a pond. It snowed - real snow! I walked twice each day through the snow and around the pond. Each time I stopped about half way and breathed. Prayed. And breathed. The air there was so clean, fresh and brisk - almost sweet. I felt calm, almost devoid of thought and noticed the presence of God. I don't know exactly how to put it; I felt safe and loved, and I felt connected to all things created. That was perhaps the strongest spiritual experience of my life, and I was privileged to get it on each of several of those walks. No lightning bolt nor burning bush. Much more subtle yet deep and lengthy. It did not renewal so much as deepen my relationship with what is God.

Maybe I can get to the 2nd leg of our trip, Kansas, tomorrow. I think I feel better.
Bill