No Idea

I think last post I said we are tiling two rooms in our house. I had NO IDEA of the real amount of work and displacement that entailed. Our stuff, two rooms full of stuff, was outside on our back patio for 7 days. We had help moving stuff out and then moving it back in. We had help tearing up the old carpeting (dirty, nasty stuff carpet - it is good for holding dirt and . . . ). I did shop for tile by myself (saltillo tile) but had help moving it after the delivery, stacking it in convenient places for the help who actually laid the tile. Smear sticky stuff called thin set on the bare concrete floor, set each tile, keep the lines straight and each tile set the same depth. I was the gopher/supervisor/project manager.

Another day of grouting between the tiles, another day to apply three coats of gloss sealer, let it thoroughly dry. Another day to give it one more coat of gloss. Next day finally moving stuff indoors and unpacking boxes of small stuff. The next day it rained. Whew!!! Thank you God. The tile is beautiful, and it feels extra good to me because it is the first big project I have been part of since being diagnosed.

I got tired each morning after a couple hours working, took a break, work a little more. The feed everyone lunch, work a little more and then take my friend, the little white pill. Several days the was someone here I could trust while I chilled and dozed upstairs, and a couple days I just sent everybody home at `about 1:30.

Two mornings toward the end, I awoke before 5:30am and got moving, planning the workers day to make the most of the newcomer helpers we paid. Almost all involved were in our exctended cirle of recovering addicts. Several friends and sponsees volunteered and some we paid just because we could and they needed to earn. Sorry to go on and on about tiling a couple floors, but maybe it gives you a sense of the "going on and on" of the project. I had NO IDEA!!

Today Jacki and I attended two separate services for friends recently deceased. First of all, these fellow drug addicts died clean. At each gathering were about 100other clean addicts. I probably gave/received 200 hugs today. Doctors say we need 4hugs a day to stay healthy - my cancer's gonna be cured at this hugging rate. Sort of the 12 step version of "laying on of hands" healing.

One of the dead/passed/crossed over was a cancer victim - leukemia - after three years of chemo and radiation. I know she was worn out, tired and in such regular pain that it had to be a relief to finally go. Toward the end, she insisted on detoxing from all the pain killers doctors had her taking. She wanted to be clear headed, and then she touched many in those last few days. She was the one who soon after my diagnosis called me out of the blue and shared dealing with cancer experience. She related to my fear, sadness, anger, and even the gratitude for life lived so sweetly. She is the one who gave me the gift of knowing chemo is my friend. Thank you Andrea!

The other service was for my friend Bill. I love him still. His last initial was G, just like me. So in our recovery community there were two Bill G's. He and I called each other OBG - Other Bill G. When the initial news spread of his death, many thought it was me. He was a large, kind, gentle and loving man who was always amazed that so many cared for him. He leaves a legacy of love amongst us, and I miss him.

The thing about this death stuff is that I have no sense of mine being any nearer now than 10 months ago. Still no felt symptoms of the cancer, only of the chemo pill. I think mostly of life and living with so many who love me - far more than I realized BC. Today, I experienced two memorial services. Both were clean recovering addicts seeking spiritual growth. Their paths of seeking were from differing directions of belief and faith, but I say they were headed toward the same ending - a closer contact with God at the source of all the love we experience on this planet. Some call it heaven. That's where Bill and Andrea are now, and it is where I will go and you will go and we'll all have a meeting. See you there. Count on it!
OBG